” And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” – Galatians 6:9
I am battling weariness. I am tired. I’m ready for a vacation from motherhood. My days have been long and my nights have been short. The last few days have been full. My evenings have been long due to two little boys still struggling with sleeping issues. I find myself battling feelings of resentment when I’m woken up for the fourth time to tuck Rusty back into bed when all I really want is one good night of sleep. That leads to feelings of overwhelming guilt and feelings of, “if I was a good Mom I wouldn’t be wanting to hit Rusty over the head with a two by four to knock him out so we could all sleep through the night.” And so the cycle continues…fatigue, frustration, guilt… fatigue, frustration, guilt…
I see the result that my weariness is having on my family as my lack of patience rubs off on everyone else. It is like the cartoon that shows a man being yelled at by his boss who then goes home and is short with his wife. The wife then yells at her son.. who then kicks the dog. It is amazing how contagious those feelings of weariness and frustration are. Last night as I was up again tucking Rusty in I stopped for a moment as I passed through the livingroom. The house was dark and quiet and I thought to myself, “This is what I have been craving.” I have been craving quietness and solitude and peace and it was then I realized that my weariness was a result of lack of quiet time with my Heavenly Father. I hadn’t been still long enough to pray..I hadn’t been quiet enough to hear His voice..I hadn’t been humble enough to call out for help or patient enough to wait for it. I had been frantically racing and pushing myself with the belief that if I worked a little harder, moved a little faster, slept a few hours more then I would be caught up and all would be well again. Once again I found myself trying to do it all by myself. Without even realizing it I was carrying the weight of worry, weariness, frustration and guilt in my arms like a child balancing a pile of books… struggling to stand under the enormous weight of it while my God stood beside me all along, whispering, “Hand some to me. I will help you carry it.”
I then realized that the answer was not a vacation. It was not a full night of sleep..although that might help a bit! It was not about less responsibilities or fewer burdens. It was about humbling myself and admitting to God that I need him..that I can’t do it alone..that I am tired of trying to carry it all myself and willingly handing over the burdens I was struggling under.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11: 28,30