The other night Tyler couldn’t sleep (surprise, surprise) and I was in his bedroom trying to help the process along. He asked for a song.
“I want to hear Taylor Swift #6,” he told me.
“We can’t find Gracie’s CD,” I told him, “Pick a song for me to sing to you.”
“I want you to sing Taylor Swift #6.”
He was shocked to hear that I had no idea what song #6 on Gracie’s Taylor Swift CD was. I suggested other songs that we usually sing at bedtime but he didn’t like any of my suggestions.
He finally asked, “Well, what did Daddy sing to you when you were a baby?”
I smiled and told him that I didn’t know Daddy when I was a baby, that we met as adults.
“No, really Momma, what did Daddy sing to you?”
“I promise,” I told him. “I met Daddy as a grown-up.”
He still didn’t believe me and said, “but you and Daddy are brother and sister.”
I explained that we were husband and wife not brother and sister but that explains his horror the other day when Toby and I went in the bedroom to change out of our Sunday clothes at the same time. Tyler kept asking us under the door what we were doing. We told him we were changing. There was a pause and then with his mouth to the door he yelled, “Daddy, you better not be peeking at Momma!”
Since we couldn’t decide on a song he requested a story instead. I told him the story of the princess and the pea. He was enthralled and kept asking, “Is this true?” He eventually fell asleep. The next morning I caught him walking by with a bag of frozen green beans tucked under his arm. I quickly realized the impact my bedtime story had, what he was planning on doing, and confiscated the frozen beans. 🙂
We have been on Spring Break this week and have been busy with projects. Saturday evening the kids had a date with Aunt Beth (Toby’s aunt). For their birthdays Beth takes the kids out on a date to go out to eat and shopping for their birthday gift. The kids love it! Rusty missed his birthday outing because of everything going on in the fall with the adoption and because the girls’ birthdays are so close together Beth decided to take them all out together so Toby and I just had Tyler on Saturday night. It was a good thing. The kids needed a break from Tyler and Tyler needed some special time. We took him to the park to play and rollerblade. We had the place to ourselves and Tyler loved having our full attention. Afterwards we had to do a little shopping and then we made it home just before Aunt Beth did.
Rusty, Molly, Gracie and Aunt Beth
The kids had a great time. They went to Steak and Shake for dinner and then to the mall for shopping. Rusty bought a new game for his DS and Gracie bought some really cute earrings. Molly couldn’t find what she was looking for so she chose to save her money. They all had a wonderful time with Aunt Beth!
On another note..we are coming up on our 7 month anniversary with Tyler next week. It has been an interesting journey. From the day Tyler first walked through the doors of our home I knew he was mine and was always meant to be mine. I had the same feelings when I met him as I did the first time I held Gracie, Molly, and Rusty in my arms. Tyler’s delivery was just a little more complicated than the other three. 🙂 Part of what I had to learn on this journey, though, was that although I felt that instant attachment it wasn’t felt by everyone else as immediately..and I learned that was ok. It took time for the kids to feel that Tyler was their brother and for Tyler to feel that we were his family. I had to put aside my own pride and impatience and let everyone’s love grow at their own rate. It was especially hard at times when I could clearly see that Tyler’s love and attachment for me didn’t match my love and attachment for him.
From the day Tyler moved in he was head over heels in love with Toby. Toby had a connection with Tyler immediately and I was grateful for that. I was grateful that Tyler had at least one person in the family that he felt he could talk to and share with and I tried not to be hurt that it wasn’t me. I knew that Tyler found in Toby something that he had never had in his life before… a loving father. He longed for a man to love him. All he had never known in his life were “fathers” who either abused, neglected or ignored him. Toby gave him what he longed for…a Daddy.
It has taken Tyler longer to attach to me. He had a loving Mommy in his last home and I think in the beginning he resented me trying to take her place. He was guarded with me and tried very hard to only let Toby meet his needs and help him when he needed help. I stepped back and gave him the time and space he needed for his love to grow, trusting that with God’s grace one day Tyler would give me his heart. Which brings me to my potty story…
Since the day Tyler moved in I would often hear him crying in the bathroom. I wasn’t sure if that was his “safe place” where he could deal with the emotions of loss and sadness without the fear of someone walking in while he was crying or if something was wrong. Everytime I asked him about it he would shut down and his wall would go up. Finally, the other day Tyler shared with me what was wrong. He came to me and asked if he could tell me something. I could tell he was nervous and at first I thought that perhaps he had done something wrong. We went into my room and he told me that it hurts to go potty and asked if I could make it better. Now this may seem insignificant to many reading this but I felt this was one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had so far. I felt the wall crumbling. My child came to me to have his needs met. That is what attachment is all about. In the same way that a baby learns to love and trust and attach to its mother by crying and Mommy comes, Tyler came to me in need, trusting that I would fix it. For seven months this little boy has been holding my heart.. now , with the help of a little Miralax and a gracious God, I am now holding his.
Momma’s little dirt magnet!