A pictureless look inside my window..


I love driving by people’s homes at night. As you look into their lit windows you catch a glimpse of someone’s life. You see them in their natural surroundings, living their life without self-consciousness or worry about needing to edit themselves. You see their home as it usually looks and the members of that household acting as they usually act. No, I’m not a peeping Tom. 🙂 I just love the realness of it. So often we “put on a show” for each other for fear that our real self will horrify others if we dared to show it. Yesterday as I lay on the floor after having tried to tackle the pig in my livingroom I thought to myself, ‘I wonder what someone else might be thinking if they were to look in my window right now.’ I wish I could post a picture for your viewing pleasure but my camera was nowhere to be seen in that moment of chaos so let me describe the scene you would have seen if you had been passing by at 5:00 yesterday evening…

The day had been a tough one. We stayed home from co-op in an attempt to get caught up on all the “to-dos” I felt I was drowning under. The kids were bugging each other and everyone was in a ‘mood.’ I don’t know what was in the air but everyone was testing.  We had a buyer for one of our baby bunnies ( friends from co-op). So at 4:30 I sent the kids downstairs to pick which bunny we were taking over. That is when all chaos broke loose. I was changing into something appropriate to wear out in public when I heard screaming from downstairs. I ran downstairs to find Gracie and Tyler in a tug of war over the bunny cage. Tyler was screaming, Gracie was crying and the poor bunny was being flipped around in the cage. The fight was over who could carry the bunny upstairs. Gracie was in tears because these were the last few moments she had with her bunny. Tyler was in tears that Gracie wouldn’t share. I grabbed the cage from them and walked it upstairs myself and set it by the door. Just as I turned my back the pig came pushing through the door with two dogs right on his heals…Bailey and Winnie, both who are not supposed to be running. The pig tears around the corner knocking furniture over left and right. The dogs were barking and giving chase as though they were beagles on a fox hunt. I turned to the door and saw Rusty standing there casually watching the chaos. When I yelled, “Rusty!” He looked at me in a very pre-teenage boy way and said, “What?! I didn’t let them in.”

“Get Harley!” I yelled to the kids as furniture continued to fly and decorations continued to break. Tyler was still in the basement crying over his lot in life. Rusty was standing in one position, not moving, calling, “Harley, come here,” to which Harley doesn’t respond to at all probably because he was backed in the corner by two dogs. I pulled the dogs off Harley and put them in the bathroom and gave Rusty the job of getting Harley outside. While I calmed Tyler down and got him dressed to go I called for the girls. Where were they and why weren’t they helping? They peeked their heads from the bathroom, “What?”  They were doing their hair. “I…need….help…”I said in my calm, trying to suppress rage, mom voice.  I then heard barking again and looked over to see that Winnie was out of the room and had discovered the bunny cage and was rolling it across the carpet in an attempt to open it. I rescued the bunny, took it outside, buckled Tyler in the car, came back in to tell Molly that her last job was to blow out candles before she came out and headed to the car. We have been lighting a lot of candles lately in an attempt to hide the ‘Ode d’ farm’ smell we have in the house because of the basement animals. Rusty was still trying to get Harley outside “Hansel and Gretel style” by making a trail of bread pieces across my newly vacuumed carpet that Harley was slowly devouring as he walked toward the door. This was all happening to a chorus of “MAAAAA MAAAA” from the goats in the basement who wanted to join in the fun. Finally all of the kids were in the car when I realized that we needed the address to put into the GPS. I went back into the house and it looked like Christmas Eve mass at a cathedral. The lights were out and the room was lit with the flickering candles that Molly didn’t blow out. I grabbed the address, blew out the candles, and walked back to the car. “Bedtime is at 8:00 tonight..for everyone!” I told them.

Sometimes we look at each others lives and see only the good and then question what we are doing wrong. How can everyone else make it look so effortless when I am failing so miserably.?I think that is why I love to sit in my quiet car as I drive through the darkness of the night looking into the lit windows of people’s lives. For a moment of time you catch a glimpse of reality. The good, the bad, the ugly… And for a moment you don’t feel like you are alone..Welcome to a glimpse inside my window.

“The reason we struggle so much with insecurity is because we compare our Behind-the-Scenes with everyone elses Highlight Reel.”

-Steve Furtick

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