Ozzie is back home.
And it is a blessing.
This last month ended up being a true gift from God and we witnessed God’s hand in the entire experience from start to finish. I am grateful for Tina’s nudge to consider the 28 day program because the experience was life changing for all involved.
It gave my other children a month of respite to heal from secondary trauma, as well as get some therapeutic help to address the hurts and fears that come with living with a loved one who has Reactive Attachment Disorder.
It also gave Toby and I an opportunity to regroup, be still, and make adjustments to our home life and parenting techniques, changes that are hard to give thought to in the midst of a crisis. We were able to do some family triage and assess the condition of our other children and address their hurts and needs during this period that Ozzie was at Mercy Hospital. We were able to move from a stance of reactive parenting to proactive parenting, considering the needs of all five of our children and putting plans and programs in place during this quiet time of rest.
And I was able to do this without any worry or guilt, knowing that God was the driving force behind this experience and that Ozzie was in a good, safe, therapeutic place getting the help he needed while we were preparing for his return home.
The 28 day treatment program he was in was through Mercy Hospital. When pushed to consider sending Ozzie away for more intensive, in-treatment therapy I was a nervous wreck. I hated the idea of one of my kids being away and I worried that the experience would expose Ozzie to worse influences as he interacted and lived with other traumatized children. I worried that he would take his hospitalization as rejection or abandonment and that would lead to a bigger setback in our attachment work. I worried that in our effort to help him heal the experience would only lead to more hurt, but God was merciful and His hand was in every step of the process, and I was given peace about this needed step, and Ozzie agreed that he needed more help than Tina could offer in outpatient therapy, so five weeks ago today we drove him down, checked him in, and said, “We love you,” as Ozzie was led back into the hospital by staff members.
It was a hard day.
But that day was the beginning of huge breakthroughs for Ozzie.
You see, as incredible as Tina is, as an outpatient therapist she only sees Ozzie once a week for an hour, and as much amazing work as she has been able to do with both my boys in their therapy sessions, at the end of that hour, despite what breakthrough we might be on the cusp of, we must end the session and pick it up again in a week. This is the greatest blessing of an in-treatment program. The breakthrough happens and then there are staff with Ozzie 24/7 that can immediately help him process the experience, and that rolls right into an individual therapy session the next hour, and then group therapy two hours after that, etc. There is a momentum that is gained through therapy session after therapy session that results in huge leaps that simply can’t be gained in outpatient therapy.
Ozzie’s experience at Mercy was incredible and I have nothing but accolades to share about the program. I appreciated how incredible the staff was. They work with highly traumatized kids, many with a diagnoses of Reactive Attachment Disorder, so they get our journey in a way that many other medical professionals don’t, and are incredibly proficient at addressing the needs of these kids. On many visits to the unit I watched as they dealt with tantrums and meltdowns and did so in a kind, but effective way, quickly establishing control over the situation.
I loved how structured the program was. This is a necessity when dealing when a floor full of kids with special needs but was especially effective for Ozzie who, as a child on the Autism Spectrum, responds well to routine, schedules, and predictability.Each day followed the same format with mealtimes, school, individual therapy, group therapy, art therapy, gym time, and quiet time in rooms for journaling.
I love that the system for addressing behaviors is a reward based system, which I find (when dealing with traumatized children) far more effective and healthy than a consequence driven system. This tends to be the case for children who have been abused because, honestly, what consequence can one even come up with that will have any impact given the horrors they have already experienced in their young lives. This makes these kids unaffected by most consequences for their behaviors, so here they use a point system in which kids can earn points for good behavior and good choices. Their earned points give them a level ranking that determines their privileges. For example a child on level one gets to stay up an hour later than a child on level three. For snack time they can have cookies or chips while the child on level one gets to pick from the fruit bowl. A child on level one earns a longer phone call home or the privilege of picking the movie for movie night, etc. and if they stay at level one all week then on Saturday they get to pick a prize from a prize box that contains new toys like stuffed animals, books, puzzles and other fun treats.
I appreciated how strong the communication between staff and family was here. I never worried for Ozzie’s safety because everything that happened was so well documented. At our weekly update we would be read the staff’s notes for the week that would explain everything that happened that week from how many servings he had at each meal, to every good and poor choice he made in his interactions with staff and peers, as well as how staff addressed each of these incidents.
Communication with family was a high priority, as was improving family relationships. We had a family therapy session weekly, phone calls with Ozzie twice a day, and home visits weekly where he could spend up to 12 hours at home before returning to Mercy. This was an important piece of his treatment plan. First it ensured a continued, strong connection with family, dispelling any of Ozzie’s worries that his new family was leaving him, but also gave the therapist a better idea of his behaviors, as we were able to report about his interactions at home and they could talk in therapy about behaviors that maybe don’t reveal themselves in the hospital setting.
Another huge benefit of hospitalization is the fact that you have doctors and nurses on staff 24/7 which allow for drastic medication adjustments that couldn’t happen in an outpatient setting at the quick rate they can be adjusted when being monitored by medical staff. This was a key component in his treatment as we had to reduce his extreme anxiety that was at the root of many of his behaviors.
It was a month of breakthroughs for Ozzie as he delved into the past trauma and abuse at the hands of his biological parents. In one group therapy session he was asked to color a mask, reflective of his past trauma. The results were heartbreaking as he held up to his face a paper mask covered in black and blue bruises and red cuts. Following that session he was struggling so a male staff member took him for a walk to help him process the emotions he was feeling following the therapy session. He suggested another therapeutic tool and told Ozzie to imagine that he was Seth or Trista and say to his birth parents what seven year old Ozzie wished he could have said when he was being hurt by them.
He shouted and swore and released years of anger, hurt, and heartbreak that he never felt safe enough to express before…
and it was life-changing.
It was the first step in a series of major breakthroughs this past month.
Ozzie is now home, but no he is not “healed.”
The experiences he lived through will take decades to work through and process.
I don’t know that one ever completely “heals” after living through childhood abuse.
But he is feeling safer, more stable, and so much better than he was a month ago. He was very brave these past 28 days, facing some horrific demons in therapy, and making great strides which we will continue moving forward with in outpatient therapy. He is happy to be home and we are happy to have our little family back together again.
God is Good!